Loneliness is not definitely
by Tray D. Sheila
Summary: Her songs was what helped her through life and though she was truly free, she still had to get used to the feeling. Her songs, which she sung at night time, when all, but the watchmen, were asleep, or so she liked to think, was soothing her. This night, however, he confronted her and told her how much he liked listening to her and he encouraged her.


The night was cool and there was new moon. She sat on the roof of the cabins, her legs swinging over the edge, as she stared up at the dark sky. The stars were shining with all their might, trying to enlighten the dark night. She loved the sight and closed her emerald green eyes, as a wind blew gently across her face, blowing her long dark purple hair way from her face. However, like all night, it was not enough to sooth her heart. Only the thought of how she landed on this big ship helped her getting over her past. How the captain had looked at her with his warm eyes, reaching his hand towards her. She had taken it and now she was his daughter, one of the few women here. She was not a fighter, but that was not a criterion to be here. Only the will to live freely was requested.

With the thoughts of the events from two weeks ago, it was that short she had been here, she started to hum. Today she had written a new song. It was what she was best at; she had music in her veins, as someone once told her. Still she was shy and never had let any heard her songs on purpose. She always sung them here on the roof of the cabins in the nights, when most were sleeping and she could pretend that no one could hear her.

 _Eh yeah eh yeah, eh yeah eh yeah  
Eh yeah eh yeah, eh yeah eh yeah_

 _My prison, my cage  
Voices creep in when I close my eyes  
I try to escape this house with no walls  
But I'm still in the dark_

 _It's time to reach, it's time to reach out  
It's time to breathe, it's time to breathe out  
We'll chase the light_

 _Like hunter and prey we run, run, eh yeah  
Hunter and prey, chasing each other  
Through thunder and flames, we run, run, eh yeah  
Hunter and prey facing each other_

 _Run, run, eh yeah  
Run, run, eh yeah  
Hunter and prey_

Her voice was soft and filled with emotions. Her eyes were still closed, visions of her past showing in her head as she sung. Every word came from her heart and told her fear and feelings she had.

 _I feel the earth beneath my bare feet  
As I walk towards you  
The air that I breathe feels new  
Full of hope like the whisper came true_

 _I hear you heart, I hear your heartbeat  
I feel your arms, I feel your arms around me  
We'll chase the light_

 _Like hunter and prey we run, run, eh yeah  
Hunter and prey, chasing each other  
Through thunder and flames, we run, run, eh yeah  
Hunter and prey facing each other_

 _Run, run, eh yeah  
Run, run, eh yeah  
Hunter and prey_

 _Eh yeah eh yeah, eh yeah eh yeah  
Eh yeah eh yeah, eh yeah eh yeah_

She was lost in her song, her voice gaining strength as she sung. Though she deep inside knew that some were listening it, she couldn't see or hear it and no one talked to her about it. Maybe because it was one of the commanders or because those listening were too drunk to even notice it was her singing. She didn't care. It was easier this way.

 _It's time to reach, it's time to reach out  
It's time to breathe, it's time to breathe out_

 _I hear your heart (eh yeah)  
I hear your heartbeat (eh yeah, eh yeah)  
I feel your arm (eh yeah)  
I feel your arms around me (eh yeah, eh yeah)_

 _Like hunter and prey we run, run, eh yeah  
Hunter and prey, chasing each other  
Through thunder and flames, we run, run, eh yeah  
Hunter and prey facing each other_

 _Run, run, eh yeah  
Hunter and prey facing each other_

 _(Run, run, eh yeah) Hunter and prey  
(Run, run, eh yeah) we're chasing each other  
(Run, run, eh yeah) we're just like hunter and prey  
(Run, run, eh yeah) we're facing each other  
(eh yeah eh yeah, eh yeah eh yeah)_

Her voices fade and she sighed. It was really a nice song, telling just how she felt inside. It was then she heard something next to her and she opened her eyes and tilted her head. She hadn't noticed it, but while she had been singing, Marco had come and sat next to her, drinking. His eyes were closed, as if he was lost in a memory. Blushing, she turned her head and stared at the vast sea.

"It's like you now how we all feel inside, yoi," Marco broke the silence between them.

She looked confused at him. "What do you mean?"

"The song. It was describing how most here felt before joining Oyaji. That we were lost, cage up inside. He freed us, yoi."

She was slight shocked, never thought that others could rely to her song. "It was just something that came to me today," she mumbled.

"You have a wonderful singing voice. And talent. I like this song and the one you sung yesterday, even though the latter was slight sad, yoi."

She looked away. So he had heard yesterday too. She had no idea how to respond. So far it had been a blessing not to know who had been listening to her singing. Now ... now she didn't know how to talk to him. She was really shy and insecure. Sure his words warmed her and made her feel happy. He liked her songs and her voice when singing, but still ... she had a long way to go before believing in herself again.

"Would you sing it again? The one you sung yesterday, yoi?"

She bit her lips. "I'm ... not sure I can ... I mean, it was easy when I didn't know who was listening," she whispered.

He smiled softly to her and cupped her head between his hand, making her look at him. "You should never be ashamed of your voice. Embrace it and let the whole ship know that you're the lead singer, yoi."

"Easy to say, Marco-kun, but hard to do. You have no idea how hard it is just to sit here and know who is listening," she said, blushing.

He chuckled. "Everything has a start and all have their insecurity. Still, I know Oyaji loves to fall asleep, listening to you singing. You are stting above his private quarters after all, yoi."

She blushed even more. She did know that she was sitting on the roof of Whitebeard's quarters, hell it was why she chose this spot, but she couldn't really sing for Marco. So far she had been singing for Whitebeard, the man saving her from misery. She couldn't bring herself to sing for Marco. It was so embarrassing that he had been listening in secrecy.

"Close your eyes. Take some deep breathe and just let go, yoi."

She knew she owed it to him too. He had always had her back the past two weeks, making sure she had what she needed, that Thatch din't bother her too much and that she felt at home. Maybe she should do this for him, to say thanks. He did like her singing, so why was she so shy about it? So she did as he said, closed her eyes and relaxed, taking a few deep breathe, before she started to sing.

 _Nightmares have a hold on me  
Will this fever ever leave  
And wake me from my sleep again?_

 _Careful, I am somewhere else  
and I'm walking in the dark, concealing all my scars  
I see a new horizon_

 _Over the hills and far away  
It's not too late to escape  
Yeah, yeah, eh yeah_

 _Over the hills and far away  
We're getting nowhere playing safe  
Yeah, yeah, eh yeah  
Running in my sleep_

Marco closed his eyes. She really had a beautiful voice and the emotions came through just clearly. He understood them and wanted to sooth her. As he had heard her sing to herself the first time, he had been enchanted with her voice. He wanted to listen to her sing all day long, wanted her to know how much she moved him. It was why he chose to let her know he was listening and enjoying it. To help her move forward, to give her more confidence. He had asked Whitebeard if she was disturbing him, but he should have known that their captain enjoyed her singing as much as he did.

 _A chess game all in black and white  
In a charade that made me numb  
Where black knights keep me from the day_

 _Angels singing as I fall  
From a staircase leading to beyond with hypnotizing songs  
Leading to new horizon_

 _Over the hills and far away  
It's not too late to escape  
Yeah, yeah, eh yeah_

 _Over the hills and far away  
We're getting nowhere playing safe  
Yeah, yeah, eh yeah  
Running in my sleep  
Running in my sleep_

 _Over the hills and far away  
It's not too late to escape  
Yeah, yeah, eh yeah_

 _Over the hills and far away  
We're getting nowhere playing safe  
Yeah, yeah, eh yeah  
Running in my sleep_

She opened her eyes slowly and stared at the vast sky, the stars sparkling down. It was a song she had wrote, after waking up from a nightmare where she had been running. It was an old song, 10 years or so, but whenever she felt scared or felt down, she would let the song play in her head and she calmed down. It sounded weird, but that was just how she felt. She turned the nightmare into something that soothed her and made it less scary. She did so with most of the bad things that happened to her.

"Beautiful and sad. Still I do feel that you overcame the fear, yoi."

She smiled. "Music is my therapy. I write songs and lyrics to calm my feelings and world. Chasing away my loneliness," she said, still looking at the sky.

"You're not lonely anymore, Ayrya. You have a family here and we will never let yo down, yoi."

She looked at him and smiled. "This feels like a good dream or like heaven. It's still so surreal to me, yet ... I won't want it differently."

He squeezed her hand. "Then live, yoi."

She nodded and let out a happy sigh. "Maybe being lonely is not forever," she mumbled.

He hummed. They sat in silent for a while, both lost in their own thoughts. Marco was happy that she at least had opened a little and was starting to let her new life get to her and embrace her. He saw her daily struggle, but he could see she truly wanted it to be true. And as her brother, he would not let her down. He would show her that she was not alone and she was free.

"Get some sleep. Tomorrow we'll dock at an Island. I'll show you around then, yoi."

She smiled and jumped down the roof, wishing him a good night. For some reason singing just for him had been not as scary as she thought it would be. Maybe she could start a life here, fooling around like the others and truly be free and happy. She felt the small light of hope burning in her chest. The light that Whitebeard had giving her had now turned on her own. Marco had helped her and she would never forget it.

* * *

 **Songs: Both from Emillie de Forest. The first is called _Hunter and Prey_ and the second is called _Running in my sleep._**


End file.
